A New Hope

It has been sometime since my last entry. Always, I find this crazy insight true and profound: The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

But the universe knows, and only waits for me to revive my sagging energy. And now, it is time for me to rise and open up again to possibilities beyond dreams and comparison.



5 Feb 2009

Astonishment on Valentine's Day

Quite an astonishing thing to realize that I wrote some entries several years ago, with the contents focusing on the saddest moments of my life. I hate to see this journal falling into the hands of the wrong persons.

It's Valentine's day today and it seems I have been doing the same routines I started doing years ago.

Not much has changed.


14 Feb 2008

Staring

That I have stared deep into the Other's eyes is a common, often too violent, occurrence. In the pleasant yet turbulent land of desire, there seems to be no abating of loneliness and passion. As to when, there is no reckoning. Even Nietzsche would have laughed at the thought.

I let it be -- and let it go, down where it belongs.


17 Mar 2004

Echoes of my Soul

"Tonight I can write the saddest lines..." writes Pablo Neruda in his hauntingly beautiful poem. Perhaps tonight like him, I can write the saddest thoughts of my life: write, for example, how lamentably funny my life has been going, how charmingly crazy, and how enigmatically resilient to the changing fortunes of despair and triumph.

Tonight I can write the saddest echoes of my soul.


22 Dec 2003

Natural Aches

I'm excited.

Tonight, for the first time in my life, a promise of infinite jest and ecstatic madness beckons its wonderful nod at my rejoicing and anxious heart. I shall celebrate, but with caution -- alas! -- for disappointments and a thousand natural aches the flesh is heir to may soon follow.

May the wickedly generous angels guide me in this journey.


12 Dec 2003

Stepping Back

Funny to realize that after I have putatively found someone to love me, I take a few steps backward. What's holding me back? What am I scared of?

There's much emotional garbage or sludge that has diluted my otherwise perfect and pleasant demeanor and readiness for getting the plunge.

Must I pursue the chase?


9 Dec 2003

C'est la vie!

Another year added to my already anxiety-filled life. The dilemma of existence plays malevolently in my life, even --- thereby? -- invading my dreams!

To live so that one may experience the goodness of the world --- rubbish! But one needs to go on living, if only to fulfill what has been scripted for him. Life may indeed be sacred, but it is living that proves to be more dramatic -- and scary!

C'est la vie!


2003